Funny jokes about veterinarians!
I have been working as a veterinarian for 30 years! Wow! 30 years - down the drain!
A man calls a vet to his python, and the veterinarian hears the python barking! The vet is delighted:
- This is an unprecedented case - a barking python! For such a discovery, I would probably get the Nobel Prize!
- Doctor - maybe first we take out the dachshund that he swallowed ?!
A doctor arrives on call to a sick veterinarian.
- Tell me exactly where your pain is concentrated?
“And I, by the way, do not ask my patients how they are sick,” the veterinarian replies. - I treat them without question!
Then the doctor turns to the vet’s wife, gives her the powder and says:
- Feed your husband this medicine, and if it doesn’t help by morning, you will have to put it to sleep!
I go into the veterinarian’s office with a carrying cell.
- Are you on sterilization? - the doctor asks.
- No ... I brought a cat ...
- I don’t really care ... I can, I can cat ...
One ambitious student, studying at a veterinary school, moonlighted at night as a taxidermist (taxidermist). At the end, he decided that he could combine these two professions, expanding his activities and, thereby, doubling his income. He opened his veterinary clinic and hung a sign on the door: "Dr. Jones: Veterinarian and Taxidermist - anyway, you will get your pet back!"
Aibolit sits under a tree, sews a hare on his leg and condescends affectionately:
- ... here I’ll sew you a new leg and you will run along the path again ...
The unfortunate hare asks him in an imploring voice:
- Doctor, maybe not? I already have forty of them ...
In the summer in the summer cottage, the dog of one of the tourists suffered in a skirmish with a porcupine. The summer resident turned to the local veterinarian for help.
“You have $ 100,” said the veterinarian, having made the necessary assistance.
“Yes, you are out of your mind,” the summer resident exclaimed, “are getting fat here when we come to rest!” Take advantage of the fact that there is nowhere to turn !!! But what do you do in winter when we are not?
- Like what?! We grow porcupines ...
Two veterinary students came to the village to practice. Settled. They are called to the farm to a sick cow. One looks into the mouth, and the other looks under the tail. The following dialogue takes place:
- You see me?
- Me neither. It means a gut twist.
Two men meet. One to the other:
- My cat, well, just sickened !!! Like March - so he yells in a bad voice.
- And you take him to the vet.
On that and parted. After a year, they somehow met again.
- Remember, I advised you to take the cat to the veterinarian?
- Yes, I did ...
- Well, why, he is not yelling in your spring now?
- More like yelling. Now yells: - Where? Where are they? Where — e — e? !!!
A man comes to the vet:
- What are you complaining about?
- For life.
“But I'm not a psychologist, but a veterinarian.”
“So life is like a dog.”
- Hello, doctor, wake me a cat!
- Like this?
“Well, you put him to sleep that year, and now wake him up.”
“I’ll cut the cats. Castration is possible. We'll see how it goes."
Newspaper ad: “Good Doctor Aibolit Veterinary Clinic: euthanasia, cremation, removal, castration, sterilization, stopping ears and tail, cutting and removing claws.”
I wonder WHAT Angry Doctor Aibolit does?
Call to the veterinarian:
- Now my mother-in-law with an old dog will come to you. You give her the injection of some of the strongest poison so that you do not suffer and immediately die ...
“Will the dog find a way home?”